Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 23, 2022 0:34:45 GMT
Friday, July 22
Dear Shirley,
I am writing this now while my thoughts are fresh. I will send it to you if you ever contact me again. I know you said, “no contact,” but those words are not carved in stone.
While I am writing, I am hoping you are feeling better and know that I love you with all my heart and am grateful for everything you have done for me and for LAA.
I have changed recently, since going back to the Quakers. And now I am wondering if we are still compatible. We have been disagreeing a lot and arguing from time to time.
In my opinion, you are sometimes projecting your anger for your mother on to me when I try to sponsor you. At first, I thought I could just be your friend, but I am not any good at that. I am always the teacher, wherever I go. I like teaching. I want to share what I have learned with the people I love. You are resisting that for reasons only known to you.
I have been teaching for a long time that compatibility is as important as love. The question for our future is, “Can we get along?”
Right now, I am really into universal love. It is something the Quakers teach. We love everyone. Even those people we don’t like. We look at their strengths and not their weaknesses. We do set boundaries if need be and may secretly judge them, but we try to be less judgmental and focus on their good side as often as possible. This will come out in our communication with them. We will be polite and kind and validate them. It will come out when we think about them and talk about them to others.
I am not sure you prescribe to this doctrine. You seem to dislike so many people. You openly dislike Stuart, who will never be your soul mate, but nevertheless is a good and generous human being. He has bad habits like we all do. He can be annoying. But you project so much negative energy on to him and when you talk to me about him you make him sound horrible. Now that I have met Stuart, I find it is hard for me to be around. It was easier when I did not know him.
I also felt a couple of days ago that you did not like me. You were so persistent about me taking more showers, despite all my explanations of why I do not shower more often. I am just being me and you want me to be somebody else. I know in your mind, you are trying to help me. I get that. But showering is such a personal issue.
On some level, I think you are also tired of all the disagreements and me in general. This may be why you sent me home early despite me telling you I wanted more time with you and Stuart. I had such a wonderful time and can never repay you.
Now, as you read this I suspect you are irritated or even angry. You feel attacked and criticized. I can do nothing about this even though it is not my intention. I just can’t stop being a teacher and herein lies the problem between us. I did try to be your friend, honestly. I am just not good at it.
When I do “tough love” with clients they usually leave. I know I would walk out on my own therapist when he told me the truth about something, especially when it came to my mother. So I understand your feelings, but I cannot change who I really am. So with everybody who does not want my advice, I plant seeds that I hope they will bear fruit someday.
Why do I teach people? Because, from the bottom of my heart I want them to heal and be happy. Cynical people are not happy. Loving people are filled with joy. It is up to you where we go from here. Speak your piece and I will listen. I listen better when I am reading, so put your thoughts on paper. Thanks! ♥