Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 27, 2020 16:34:28 GMT
I was a single parent and struggled to raise my two children. Unfortunately, I made a lot of mistakes and over the years my daughter Kathy and I became estranged. In 1993 all that changed
Kathy was twenty two she married Monty. They met at church. They discussed having children and decided to wait four years to make sure the baby would have a stable home. In 1993, Kathy got pregnant. I was ecstatic. I wanted to much to be a grandmother and have a second chance at parenting. I knew Kathy and Monty would make good parents. I wrote the following letters with a light heart.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Snyder:
My name is Soul #99. God recently confided in me that you were thinking about having a baby. He suggested that I apply for the position, and I am happy to do so. I have been watching you and I am convinced that you would make wonderful parents. God promised me that I could go to good parents. My best friend ended up in a dysfunctional home and he is miserable. I hope to avoid that fate.
If you agree to have me I will be as good as I can. I am very spiritual and will be happy to go to church with you. I don't care if I am a boy or girl but I would love to have brown hair and matching brown eyes. You can name me anything you want and I promise not to spit up my food.
I am especially excited about having Susan Peabody as my grandmother. She is chaffing at the bit to be a grandmother. She doesn’t have much money, but we can work with that.
Well, I want to get this in the angel's pouch before he leaves. I hope you will consider me as your child. Please feel free to write and ask me questions. I am also available for interviews, but once you accept me there can be no exchanges. This is not Sears Roebuck you know.
Anxiously yours, Soul #99
2019 Saint Gabriel Drive, Heaven, Universe 11269
P.S. If Soul #87 writes to you please be advised that he exaggerates a lot.
Dear Mom and Dad,
This is Soul #99. Remember me? I hope you are well. I am fine. I just wanted to write and apologize about the delay in getting this letter to you. There has been a bureaucratic snafu up here. But I have good news! God gave me the word that I am to be the one. He talked to you about it while you were sleeping so you probably don't remember agreeing — but you did! He said he would send you a dream confirming the arrangement — if the computers ever get back up. By the way Dad, you don't have to announce to everyone that I was conceived on New Year’s eve. I think that really embarrasses Mom.
Your child, Soul #99
Dear Mom and Dad,
Well, my bags are packed and I am on my way. This nine month layover is a big hassle, but who am I to question mother nature. I hope you are happy that I chose to arrive on (or near) Dad's birthday.
I have been talking with my friends about you. They are very envious that I will be born into a Christian family. I am glad about that too, but I am also looking forward to getting my hands on Dad's computer.
You seem to be all ready for my arrival. I like the way you are going to set things up, but I do hope to have my own bedroom eventually. Grandma Susan has promised me my own room at her place. (I can see right now that she is going to be a real pushover, but I promise not to take advantage of her — too much.) I know that I will need some discipline. God said that you would be good at blending love and benevolent discipline. Just remember: heavy on the love and light on the discipline — with a little fun on the side.
Well, I guess there is not much else to say right now. I just wanted to drop you a line because it is really boring up here right now. I also wanted you to know that I love you. Maybe I could use this time to plan my birthday party! See you soon!
Sincerely, Soul #99
♢ ♢ ♢ ♢
Early in June, three months before she was due, Kathy went into labor and did not even know it. She thought she was having a backache. By the time Monty rushed her to the hospital the baby’s little foot had started to come out. Kathy was given medication and her feet were elevated. The doctor said that if the delivery could be delayed just too weeks the baby would have a chance. We prayed. We begged God. Monty even dreamed the baby would wait. In my dreams God told me that everything was going to be all right. On June 16, 1994, at 11:04 p.m., Jasmyne Marie Snyder was born. She weighed one and one-half pounds. Monty was too nervous to be in the operating room (Kathy had a caesarian) so I was there when little Jasmyne came out. She was perfect.
We watched over Jasmyne for fourteen days while she struggled to hang on. I wrote the following in my journal about this time.
♢ ♢ ♢ ♢
My heart aches for my precious grandchild — Jasmyne. She is so small. I was there as they lifted her out of her mother's womb. I heard her first cry. My heart aches for my precious daughter Kathleen. The pain is as sharp as a knife. God, why are you doing this? Kathy does not deserve this. I am the one who has sinned. Punish me.
The waiting is making me nauseous. Jasmyne sucks in the air of her ventilator. Her little swollen hand reaches out to me. When she grabs my hand it is as if she is pulling out a plug and the tears come rushing forth.
♢ ♢ ♢ ♢
Jasmyne passed away on June 29, 1994, at 12:20 p.m. They took her off the ventilator and we all rushed down to the hospital chapel. Kathy couldn’t bear to be there. The doctor, pastor, nurse, Monty and I all sat side by side. We each held her in turn. A moment after she was placed in my arms she stopped breathing. This is my memoriam to my little Jasmyne.
Jasmyne
The smell of jasmine is in the air,
And I think of my precious grandchild,
Who will live in my heart forever,
Whose memory blows over me at will,
Like a warm summer's breeze.
And I know not whence it comes
Or whither it goes.
But I suppose
It goes where love abides.
Kathy and I became closer after this, but at what a price. The answer is simple, whatever price God demands of us. Acceptance — this is always the hardest spiritual lesson to learn.
I also learned from this experience that life has thorns, and sometimes you bleed because of them. I almost lost it when Jasmyne died, but instead I looked for the lesson I was to learn and the opportunity that lies beneath that lesson. My daughter had always been there for me even when she was the child. Now, with God's help, I will be there for her. At last, I will be the mother and she will be the child. What a way for our relationship to be healed. I would almost have preferred to remain estranged from Kathy than for her to lose her child. The price of reconciliation was too high. But it was God’s decision, not mine.
Weeks later, I came across copies of the letters I had written from Angel #99. I wrote one final letter for my journal. At some point I sent it to Kathy for Jasmyne’s birth book.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am sorry for all of the pain you have suffered. At the last minute Jesus decided I was to stay with him in heaven. He is going to make me the guardian angel of all your other children. Always remember that you are the most wonderful parents in the whole world and that I will always love you.
Jasmyne
Addendum
Throughout the ordeal of Jasmyne's short life here on earth I kept hearing God reassure me with the words “Everything is going to be all right,” and “She will live.” When Jasmyne passed away, I wondered where the voice had come from. It could not have been God, I thought, because the information was incorrect. It took me awhile to realize that the voice was God's voice, and that it was not wrong. Everything is all right. I am at peace and life goes on. Most of all, Jasmyne does live. She lives with God and all the other angels.
Epilogue
At Jasmyne’s funeral I felt moved to read a poem I had written years earlier.
For some reason I emphasized the phrase “God’s Promise.” Three months later, Monty announced that Kathy was pregnant again. “We were supposed to wait a year, he said,” but it just happened. If it is a girl we are going to name her Isabelle. “Why Isabelle?” I asked. “I don’t know,” he said, “It just came to me.”
I immediately called the library (this was before the Internet) and asked the research librarian what Isabelle meant. She looked it up and said, “It means God’s oath.” “What does that mean?” I asked. “You know,” she said, “God’s promise.”
Today, Isabelle is a lovely child, full of promise and full of beans — just like her grandmother. What have I learned? God is amazing and he never forsakes us.
Kathy was twenty two she married Monty. They met at church. They discussed having children and decided to wait four years to make sure the baby would have a stable home. In 1993, Kathy got pregnant. I was ecstatic. I wanted to much to be a grandmother and have a second chance at parenting. I knew Kathy and Monty would make good parents. I wrote the following letters with a light heart.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Snyder:
My name is Soul #99. God recently confided in me that you were thinking about having a baby. He suggested that I apply for the position, and I am happy to do so. I have been watching you and I am convinced that you would make wonderful parents. God promised me that I could go to good parents. My best friend ended up in a dysfunctional home and he is miserable. I hope to avoid that fate.
If you agree to have me I will be as good as I can. I am very spiritual and will be happy to go to church with you. I don't care if I am a boy or girl but I would love to have brown hair and matching brown eyes. You can name me anything you want and I promise not to spit up my food.
I am especially excited about having Susan Peabody as my grandmother. She is chaffing at the bit to be a grandmother. She doesn’t have much money, but we can work with that.
Well, I want to get this in the angel's pouch before he leaves. I hope you will consider me as your child. Please feel free to write and ask me questions. I am also available for interviews, but once you accept me there can be no exchanges. This is not Sears Roebuck you know.
Anxiously yours, Soul #99
2019 Saint Gabriel Drive, Heaven, Universe 11269
P.S. If Soul #87 writes to you please be advised that he exaggerates a lot.
Dear Mom and Dad,
This is Soul #99. Remember me? I hope you are well. I am fine. I just wanted to write and apologize about the delay in getting this letter to you. There has been a bureaucratic snafu up here. But I have good news! God gave me the word that I am to be the one. He talked to you about it while you were sleeping so you probably don't remember agreeing — but you did! He said he would send you a dream confirming the arrangement — if the computers ever get back up. By the way Dad, you don't have to announce to everyone that I was conceived on New Year’s eve. I think that really embarrasses Mom.
Your child, Soul #99
Dear Mom and Dad,
Well, my bags are packed and I am on my way. This nine month layover is a big hassle, but who am I to question mother nature. I hope you are happy that I chose to arrive on (or near) Dad's birthday.
I have been talking with my friends about you. They are very envious that I will be born into a Christian family. I am glad about that too, but I am also looking forward to getting my hands on Dad's computer.
You seem to be all ready for my arrival. I like the way you are going to set things up, but I do hope to have my own bedroom eventually. Grandma Susan has promised me my own room at her place. (I can see right now that she is going to be a real pushover, but I promise not to take advantage of her — too much.) I know that I will need some discipline. God said that you would be good at blending love and benevolent discipline. Just remember: heavy on the love and light on the discipline — with a little fun on the side.
Well, I guess there is not much else to say right now. I just wanted to drop you a line because it is really boring up here right now. I also wanted you to know that I love you. Maybe I could use this time to plan my birthday party! See you soon!
Sincerely, Soul #99
♢ ♢ ♢ ♢
Early in June, three months before she was due, Kathy went into labor and did not even know it. She thought she was having a backache. By the time Monty rushed her to the hospital the baby’s little foot had started to come out. Kathy was given medication and her feet were elevated. The doctor said that if the delivery could be delayed just too weeks the baby would have a chance. We prayed. We begged God. Monty even dreamed the baby would wait. In my dreams God told me that everything was going to be all right. On June 16, 1994, at 11:04 p.m., Jasmyne Marie Snyder was born. She weighed one and one-half pounds. Monty was too nervous to be in the operating room (Kathy had a caesarian) so I was there when little Jasmyne came out. She was perfect.
We watched over Jasmyne for fourteen days while she struggled to hang on. I wrote the following in my journal about this time.
♢ ♢ ♢ ♢
My heart aches for my precious grandchild — Jasmyne. She is so small. I was there as they lifted her out of her mother's womb. I heard her first cry. My heart aches for my precious daughter Kathleen. The pain is as sharp as a knife. God, why are you doing this? Kathy does not deserve this. I am the one who has sinned. Punish me.
The waiting is making me nauseous. Jasmyne sucks in the air of her ventilator. Her little swollen hand reaches out to me. When she grabs my hand it is as if she is pulling out a plug and the tears come rushing forth.
♢ ♢ ♢ ♢
Jasmyne passed away on June 29, 1994, at 12:20 p.m. They took her off the ventilator and we all rushed down to the hospital chapel. Kathy couldn’t bear to be there. The doctor, pastor, nurse, Monty and I all sat side by side. We each held her in turn. A moment after she was placed in my arms she stopped breathing. This is my memoriam to my little Jasmyne.
Jasmyne
The smell of jasmine is in the air,
And I think of my precious grandchild,
Who will live in my heart forever,
Whose memory blows over me at will,
Like a warm summer's breeze.
And I know not whence it comes
Or whither it goes.
But I suppose
It goes where love abides.
Kathy and I became closer after this, but at what a price. The answer is simple, whatever price God demands of us. Acceptance — this is always the hardest spiritual lesson to learn.
I also learned from this experience that life has thorns, and sometimes you bleed because of them. I almost lost it when Jasmyne died, but instead I looked for the lesson I was to learn and the opportunity that lies beneath that lesson. My daughter had always been there for me even when she was the child. Now, with God's help, I will be there for her. At last, I will be the mother and she will be the child. What a way for our relationship to be healed. I would almost have preferred to remain estranged from Kathy than for her to lose her child. The price of reconciliation was too high. But it was God’s decision, not mine.
Weeks later, I came across copies of the letters I had written from Angel #99. I wrote one final letter for my journal. At some point I sent it to Kathy for Jasmyne’s birth book.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am sorry for all of the pain you have suffered. At the last minute Jesus decided I was to stay with him in heaven. He is going to make me the guardian angel of all your other children. Always remember that you are the most wonderful parents in the whole world and that I will always love you.
Jasmyne
Addendum
Throughout the ordeal of Jasmyne's short life here on earth I kept hearing God reassure me with the words “Everything is going to be all right,” and “She will live.” When Jasmyne passed away, I wondered where the voice had come from. It could not have been God, I thought, because the information was incorrect. It took me awhile to realize that the voice was God's voice, and that it was not wrong. Everything is all right. I am at peace and life goes on. Most of all, Jasmyne does live. She lives with God and all the other angels.
Epilogue
At Jasmyne’s funeral I felt moved to read a poem I had written years earlier.
A Brighter Tomorrow
Life may take a downward spiral
And overwhelm us for awhile.
Pain may seem a way of life;
Endless moments filled with strife.
Gloom may settle in our soul,
Splitting that which once was whole.
And yet despite this painful rift,
There still exists a timeless gift.
The saving grace when all is gray,
God's promise of a brand new day.
Life may take a downward spiral
And overwhelm us for awhile.
Pain may seem a way of life;
Endless moments filled with strife.
Gloom may settle in our soul,
Splitting that which once was whole.
And yet despite this painful rift,
There still exists a timeless gift.
The saving grace when all is gray,
God's promise of a brand new day.
For some reason I emphasized the phrase “God’s Promise.” Three months later, Monty announced that Kathy was pregnant again. “We were supposed to wait a year, he said,” but it just happened. If it is a girl we are going to name her Isabelle. “Why Isabelle?” I asked. “I don’t know,” he said, “It just came to me.”
I immediately called the library (this was before the Internet) and asked the research librarian what Isabelle meant. She looked it up and said, “It means God’s oath.” “What does that mean?” I asked. “You know,” she said, “God’s promise.”
Today, Isabelle is a lovely child, full of promise and full of beans — just like her grandmother. What have I learned? God is amazing and he never forsakes us.