Separation Anxiety Aug 19, 2020 22:31:10 GMT
Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 19, 2020 22:31:10 GMT
Separation anxiety in the DSM IV, which therapists use to diagnose people, is listed as a child's disease. When you have SA as an adult, to a degree that is beyond normal, we have come up with the term love addict.
When we are infants we experience separation anxiety every time our mother leaves the room. As we grow older it is supposed to lessen and we grow into our own individuality. When something goes wrong (trauma) we get fixated at this stage of our development. Now, as adults, we are anxious when the love of our life is out of sight. (These people are a stand-in for one of both of our parents or the people who raised us. See Imago Relational Theory by Hendrix.
Long-term recovery is the solution to separation anxiety. First you must re-start the maturation process and outgrow this phase. Most of all you must find other relationships to take the place of mom. A profound, intimate love affair with your self and a profound, intimate, personal relationship with God [or a benevolent force of love in the universe that you have personified in your imagination].
There is a complete forum on this board of how to build self-esteem but it is not enough if you are what Bradshaw calls "shame based." So you must process the shame through some kind of psychodynamic therapy or with a mentor of some kind ["enlightened witness": see Alice Miller, Susan Peabody, Art of Changing]. When the shame is lifted, then follow the steps to building self-esteem on this forum and in my books.
Simple approach: The best way to build a relationship with God is the eleventh step (prayer and meditation). To put it simply, personify your higher power, idealize your higher power, fall in love with your higher power, and then look at yourself through his or her eyes.
When this long process takes hold you will be so full of self-love, and the love God has for you as his child or lover or whatever, then you no longer will be lonely or experience separation anxiety.