The Torchbearer Sept 6, 2020 18:42:18 GMT
Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 6, 2020 18:42:18 GMT
The Torchbearer never stops loving someone, even in recovery . . .
My worst obsession was in high school. His name was David. I adored him and broke into his locker just to see if he had written my name on his books. I was convinced he really returned my affection which he did not. We call this erotomania.
I was still in love with him at the 20-year high school reunion. I asked him to dance and we started dating. I had just started my recovery for love addiction, but I could not resist the chance to be with him even though he was an alcoholic and drug addict.
For the first few weeks all I saw was the boy I had loved in 1964. I did not notice his addictions. We call this projection. Eventually, the projection faded and I saw what I was getting into. I gave him an ultimatum and he chose alcohol over me. I walked away. This was my first victory in recovery. By this time he was in love with me so it was really hard. To this day I still feel love for him, but it is no longer painful.
The secret to understanding torchbearing is that it never goes away because you are projecting your childhood need for the love of your parents, in this case my father, and your inner child never gives up on this. It is ironic that David turned out to an alcoholic like my father. I don't think this was a coincidence either.
My hook for loving David was not passion. When we first met he told me a sad story about himself and I felt sorry for him just like I did for my dad. A big hook for my love addiction and codependency is sympathy.
I now project my need to love and be loved on to God now that my husband has passed on. I started this when I was single and it still continued while I was married. That is why I did not obsess over my husband. Love was enough . . .