Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 27, 2020 16:40:27 GMT
Sandra was a sweet little nymph. She was 4'11" and weighed 81 lbs. I am 5'9" and weigh 200. We met at a nursing home. She was a patient and I was a volunteer. She was schizophrenic and heard voices from time to time. When she was 40 years old she had a dream that a group of men were going to rape her. Two weeks later she was on the 4th floor of a hotel when she heard some men getting off of the elevator. There was no where to run so she lowered herself off the side of the building to hide. She fell and broke her back. She lived in assisted living for 17 years when a sore on her back put her in the hospital. It got infected and they had to amputate her leg. They put her in a nursing home, to her dismay, where I met her. I fell in love quickly.
A year later Sandra and I were married. She continued to live in t he nursing home. At first I used to pay someone to carry her up to my apartment for weekend visits, but eventually I moved to an apartment near the nursing home where they had an elevator.
As time passed her pain got worse and worse. She had spasms from her amputated led that would drive her to tears. On February 9, 2009 she killed herself. Today she is in heaven waiting for me. Why do I know she is waiting for me? We were a matched pair of unicorns. Unicorns only have one mate.
Addendum
Someone on my Love Addicts Anonymous message board asked me once: “In your relationship, were you able to work out any of the old childhood wounds?” This is my answer.
I am serious when I say the package means nothing to me. After searching for a man for 56 years, I fell in love with a woman. Surprise! My family was not happy but I was. Sandra and I had similar childhoods. We both listened to the other's story and validated the pain we both had suffered. I was less ashamed of the things I had done as a love addict because Sandra did the same things. We were both in recovery. Some of our childhood wounds took longer to heal. There was a fear of sex on both of our sides so we had a sexless marriage. However the affection and tenderness was off the charts.
We were both so familiar with each other's childhood that we could identify flair ups and soothe the other person as well as avoid triggers. Sandra was yelled at as a child so I could lose my temper with others but I could not yell at her without triggering her old wounds. When we argued we both forgave easily and moved on quickly. This is something we both needed. We were both the same age and liked that. We shared similar values and belief systems. I believed we were brought together to heal our old wounds and live happily ever after. This was the first relationship in my life where my partner actually loved me in return. This brought me so much pleasure that I over looked the fact that Sandra was disabled and couldn't do everything an able-bodied partner could. I think I had to get older to appreciate the simple things about relationships. I could just look at her and be thrilled that she was in my life. We had so much fun together and were so compatible. I think healthy relationships, by their very nature, heal our childhood wounds. They satisfy our attachment hunger. I remember telling my therapist once that I had waited 56 years for love and during that time I sometimes wondered if it was worth waiting for. It was!